Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm eating all of the evidence.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
