Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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