if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
