is your mom at the bar?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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