Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
