Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
