So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
