my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
