Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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