i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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