Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
