I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
