This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
