I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
