'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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