you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
