its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
