everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize