i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize