You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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