OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
