I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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