maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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