Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
