member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
