SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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