im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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