It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
