you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
