I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
