Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
