hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
