Me too!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
