I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
