Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
