Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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