Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
