he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
