I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
