So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
