so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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