i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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