i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
