Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
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