Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
