it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
