just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
