so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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