Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
