Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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