you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
