What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
