im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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