I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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