Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
