Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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