The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize