I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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