i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
