Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
