there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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