I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
