so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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