she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize