I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
