Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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