just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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