I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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