Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
