as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize