I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
