I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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