the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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