No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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