I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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