how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
