: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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