me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want a musical about memes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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