I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
