should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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