Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
