note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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