things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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