She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
