Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
