Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
