Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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