So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
