So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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