The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
