If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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