Soap is not a condiment
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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