Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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