the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
