wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
