You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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