I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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