The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
