mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
