So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry my hands just texted you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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