dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
