in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
