yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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