you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize