Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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